NCJ Number
160655
Date Published
1994
Length
7 pages
Annotation
The Adult-Children-of-Alcoholics (ACOA) movement encourages people to shirk responsibility for their own lives and to blame their parents for any and all problems of their childhoods; the movement neglects to emphasize the important role forgiveness can play in healing relationships.
Abstract
The recovery movement for ACOA's reflects the concepts expressed by Susan Forward in her book, "Toxic Parents" (1989). Forward presents case after case of manipulative, selfish, parents and tells readers it is not their fault when they develop problem behaviors and feelings under the influence of such parents. The implication, however, is that the parents are responsible and deserve to be judged and targeted for anger because of their "toxic" influence on their children. Janet Woititz, author of the landmark work, "Adult Children of Alcoholics" (1983), points out, on the other hand, that an understanding of our childhood "gives use insight into who we are and what gets in the way of our achieving healthy relationships in adulthood -- but that's all. If we get stuck in blame, it develops a smoke screen so that we don't have to make changes ourselves." Children who have become adults must eventually try to understand how their parents were raised and why they acted as they did as adults and parents. Although anger and blame toward parents who harmed them psychologically and perhaps physically is a part of ACOA's world of feelings, the aim should be to get beyond these feelings to forgiveness and a compassionate understanding of why parents acted as they did.